I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
