pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
