Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
