Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
