so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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