so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
