ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
