Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
