So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
