i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
