Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
