He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
third nipple confirmed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
God, I missed his penis.
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