Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
