This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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