Pappa wants mamma naked
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like a drive thru vagina
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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