You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Two words: blizzard sex
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
