wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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