and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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