god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
