how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
