I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
