Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think people are normalizing furries
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
