So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
