shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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