i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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