take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
