Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
