new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
