I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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