you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
