So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
