I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
