Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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