Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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