Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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