If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
whose parrot is this?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
