You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
