Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
