you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
