so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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