wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
