Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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