Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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