I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Shame is for Republicans.
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