So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
