lets start a swedish sibling band together
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
