whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
