It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want her autograph on my taint
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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