I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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