dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
