I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
